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[05 Jul 2005|04:21am] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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Tonight I privatized every entry on this journal except for the last one and one it wouldn't let me edit, which is awkward because it was addressed specifically to Suzy.
It was strange reading through from 2002 to now; how some of the entries made me smile, and how some dodged huge events going on that I didn't want to write about. I cringed at some horrible attempts at cleverness. I learned that Alex was the first person to ever recieve a Tony Point, followed by Suzy. I realized how douchey Tony Points must look to anyone who doesn't know my sense of humor.
I saw myself get more mature at times amd less sincere with myself at others. I watched myself dismiss things not knowing they would swell up in importance later on. I read play-by-plays of myself fucking up and mined them for some insight.
So now MinorSubversion is just a personal record. I'll go back eventually and study it as the character arc of a person who, God willing, I won't be able to relate to at all in a year.
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| The end. |
[25 Jan 2005|09:08pm] |
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music |
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Wilco - Magazine Called Sunset |
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Minorsubversion, and all the baggage that came with it, is over. No more updates.
I've moved on to www.livejournal.com/users/streetsoflaredo
It'll be more friends-only, but everyone is invited.
Happy trails.
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[25 Jan 2005|02:20am] |
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mood |
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 rejuvenated |
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music |
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Interpol - Stella Was a Diver and She Was Always Down |
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I realized something the other night. Alex pursued Suzy for three years. Even when he was hundreds of miles away or seeing other people, from what I've gathered from talking to people, he was still thinking about Suzy. And a part of me has to respect his get-what-you-want attitude.
I wouldn't have done that. I liked Suzy a lot, and a lot of the time I even loved her, but I don't have much doubt that Alex liked her more. I stood in the way far too long.
The reason I kept going back to Suzy wasn't some kind of obsession- it was far lamer than that. I kept going back because I was a pussy and I didn't want to face the risks of meeting a new girl. So I told myself things were good enough, even though we were both incredibly unsatisfied with our situation. I just told myself things would get better.
Suzy was the first of us to admit our relationship wasn't going anywhere. We weren't going to make each other happy. We didn't have shit in common. We were an old couple who stayed together out of convenience. I bet she'll be a lot happier, especially if she moves closer to Alex like she plans to.
The first few days after things ended were really hard. I felt sick and betrayed and hopeless. It took almost two weeks to realize how much better I am out of the relationship. And I see the cheating/arrest now as a shock to my system. I'd been getting too complacent. I hadn't taken a risk in years because I was afraid of the consequences.
Well, it turns out there are worse things than disinterest or rejection or small failures. I'm going to turn this entire fucking situation around and make it a positive one for me. I understand that I can get angry, and how to handle situations in the future so I never again do to anyone what I did to Suzy. Even if it takes jail and/or a huge fine to keep me from ever forgetting. Even if I have a Class D conviction on my record for the next seven years.
I've hit my lifetime low as a person and been given a chance to become someone I can respect. I refuse to stay bored with my life. I hate relating to pathetic protagonists in movies. I'm going to assess what I want out of life and start persuing those things, even if it means taking some risks and being a little uncomfortable sometimes.
I'm going to finally start donating blood. I'm exercising a lot more. And, when I'm sure I'm over this Suzy thing, I'm going to talk to a girl I've seen around recently. She has pretty eyes and great taste in music, and I'm going to ask her if she wants to go get lunch with me sometime. I almost hope she politely declines so I can say to myself: "That wasn't so bad."
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[03 Jun 2003|12:59am] |
Hey Suzy, remember Salam Pax, that guy in Baghdad with the web log? He's going to be writing for the Guardian.
More on Salam
This guy is awesome. Read it all: he's kicking people's stereotypes about Arabs right in the nuts.
also:
from Electrolite
Paul Krugman:
It?s no answer to say that Saddam was a murderous tyrant. I could point out that many of the neoconservatives who fomented this war were nonchalant, or worse, about mass murders by Central American death squads in the 1980s. But the important point is that this isn?t about Saddam: it?s about us. The public was told that Saddam posed an imminent threat. If that claim was fraudulent, the selling of the war is arguably the worst scandal in American political history?worse than Watergate, worse than Iran-contra. Indeed, the idea that we were deceived into war makes many commentators so uncomfortable that they refuse to admit the possibility.
But here?s the thought that should make those commentators really uncomfortable. Suppose that this administration did con us into war. And suppose that it is not held accountable for its deceptions, so Mr. Bush can fight what Mr. Hastings calls a ?khaki election? next year. In that case, our political system has become utterly, and perhaps irrevocably, corrupted.
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